how to dance in an uncertain world

I thought I was pushing for success. I was actually draining the very capacity I needed to hold it.

When they told me I was headed toward Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, I was gobsmacked.

Not a little burned out. Not “take a weekend off.” We’re talking acute burnout, possibly crossing into chronic fatigue, and if I didn’t stop, something as simple as the next flu could tip it fully over.

That got my attention.

So I stopped.

For six full weeks, I went into a closely directed curative protocol. I tracked everything with a wearable and watched the data improve while I was feeling the shift in my body.

And what I had been feeling before that… the best way I can describe it is like full-blast full-body tinnitus. Plus a host of physical ailments. The worst. It was not subtle.

And it didn’t come from doing too much. That part took me a minute to really see.

Because what became very clear while I was recovering is that my brain doesn’t stop strategizing on its own. It won’t stop unless I’m paying attention. This doesn’t happen in a cute “I like to plan things” way, but in a “I am trying to think through every possible outcome so I can feel safe” way.

Once I saw it, I couldn’t unsee it. In myself, in my family, in my clients, and honestly everywhere.

This isn’t just a personal quirk. It’s patterned.

We live inside a culture that quietly trains women to believe they need to get it right, anticipate everything, stay ahead, manage outcomes, and make sure nothing falls apart. And underneath all of that is scarcity.

If I don’t do this well enough, I won’t be safe.

I even approached my recovery this way (hello, teacher’s pet syndrome). It’s like perfection = survival. On every playing field.

So we start strategizing everything. Our money, our decisions, other people’s behavior, the future. It looks responsible. It looks like we’re being smart. It’s absolutely not.

It’s one of the biggest energy leaks we have.

You cannot build capacity while constantly draining it.

And here’s the part that really landed for me: Anxiety isn’t random. It’s what happens when you’re trying to plan your way out of uncertainty.

And you can’t.

You can’t plan your way into safety.

During that recovery, something in me snapped into clarity. It wasn’t a breakdown, it was a “learn this already” wake-up call.

That battle cry energy I felt in March didn’t come from nowhere. It came from seeing how deeply this pattern runs, how normalized it is, how rewarded it is, and how much it costs us.

This constant pressure to optimize, plan, get it right, stay ahead… It's exactly what drives women into burnout. And then we turn around and make it mean something about us when we can’t sustain it.

But here’s what I’m seeing now, in a much more grounded way.

You don’t need to shut down your ambition, and you don’t need to stop building. But you do need to see the pattern, because you cannot build capacity while constantly draining it.

Over-strategizing is a leak. Trying to control outcomes is a leak. Mentally managing everything and everyone around you is a leak. Comparison is a leak. Trying to keep up, get it right, do it better, faster, cleaner… all of it pulls you out of yourself.

It pulls you out of your own rhythm, your own knowing, your own direct communication with what you actually want and need.

The problem isn’t uncertainty. It’s your relationship to it.

Most of us have been treating uncertainty like it’s something we need to solve, like it’s a complex dance we have to learn and perform perfectly so we can finally feel safe. Or worse, we try to get everyone else to move in a way that makes us feel safer.

That’s exhausting. And it doesn’t work.

Because uncertainty isn’t something you manage. It’s the underlying rhythm of the world. You came from it, you live inside it, you are part of it.

When you stop trying to control it, something opens up. You can actually move with it. You can find your own timing, your own pace, your own way of building something that actually fits you.

What I’m practicing now is simple. Not easy, but simple.

I watch my mind. I notice when it starts trying to strategize everything, and I interrupt it. Not by shutting down my goals, but by pulling my energy back. Back from the overthinking, back from trying to control outcomes, back from everyone else’s path, and back to myself.

Because before you create more, you have to stop the leaks. You have to gather your energy back to yourself and reallocate your internal resources toward your version of success, not the one you’ve been trying to perfect, but the one that actually works for you.

It’s the best work I’ve done for myself.

And when you start doing that, something becomes very clear.

You are your biggest asset.

And how you take care of that asset determines everything that follows